Ep.61 The Courage to Change: Rob Hosking's journey from Police Duty to Mental Health Advocacy and True Happiness

*** TRIGGER WARNING*** This episode contains references to suicide which you may find difficult to listen to. Please tread carefully and go to the end of the shownotes to find organisations you can contact if you've been affected by this topic.
Imagine finding a lifeline in the simplest gesture—a lick from a dog that shifts your entire perspective on life. That’s precisely what happened to Rob Hosking, my remarkable guest who journeyed from the structured life of a police officer to becoming a TEDx speaker and mental health advocate. Raised amidst the struggles of Northern Ireland, Rob's story is a compelling testament to the power of challenging societal norms and embracing the call for independence. He shares how transformative moments, like witnessing tragic events and a pivotal injury, led him to prioritise mental well-being and live authentically.

Rob's journey towards rediscovering himself is deeply tied to aligning with his core values. Through raw storytelling, he emphasises the importance of recognising the impact of our social environments and having the courage to step away from paths that no longer serve us. We discuss the critical role of freedom, spontaneity, and self-belief in shaping a life of genuine happiness, as Rob recounts the courageous decision to leave a misaligned police career. This episode spotlights the struggle against societal expectations and the liberating realisation that self-discovery can occur at any stage of life.

As we navigate discussions on personal growth and happiness, Rob underscores the value of forming genuine connections and maintaining a tight-knit circle of friends who resonate with our true selves. He shares his excitement for upcoming speaking engagements, where he'll inspire audiences to find alignment and joy in their lives. The conversation challenges us to reconsider what happiness truly means and to chase our own definitions, even when they defy societal norms. Rob leaves us with a powerful message: pursuing your unique path to happiness is a choice worth making.


- In the UK, call Samaritans 116 123 for free
- https://www.mind.org.uk/
- the

Chapters

• 0:00 Resilience and Transformation
• 14:20 Awakening to the Present Life
• 18:25 Rediscovering Self Through Core Values
• 25:37 Navigating Life's Decisions With Clarity
• 38:03 Embracing Happiness Through Personal Growth

Transcript

Rob Hosking: 0:00

And I thought to myself then I was like when I was overlooking him and the power manager giving him CPR wait a minute. Am I willing to put off living a life that I want to live for a future that may never come?

Zoe Greenhalf: 0:14

Hey there, welcome, or welcome back to the Mischief Movement podcast. I'm Zoe, your guide on this journey to shake up the status quo and design a life that truly makes you feel alive. If you've ever felt disconnected, stuck on autopilot or trapped in a life that feels more like a treadmill than an adventure, you're in the right place. I know that change can feel scary, so let's turn down the fear and crank up the fierce as we transform your life from the inside out. Whether it's solo episodes packed with actionable advice or interviews with some absolute badass human beings who've dared to defy the norm by living life their way, we're here to inspire, activate, empower and challenge you each week. My mission is simple to help you reawaken your rebel spirit, break free from mediocrity and design a life that's anything but dull. You only get one wildlife, so what are you planning to do with yours If you're ready to stop settling, start living boldly and create a positive impact along the way? Let's dive in and stir up some mischief together. Now buckle up and let's go. Mischief together. Now buckle up and let's go. Before we start, I just want to let you know that this episode includes discussions of suicide, which some of you may find distressing. Please take care while listening and know that support is available should you need it. And know that support is available should you need it.

Zoe Greenhalf: 1:45

Today, we are diving deep into resilience, transformation and the power of choosing happiness, with none other than Rob Hosking. Rob's a former police officer, turned TEDx speaker and mental health advocate who's taken some of life's heaviest punches and turned them into a mission to inspire and empower others. We're unpacking his personal journey through trauma and mental health struggles, leading to his mission of breaking stigmas and championing a culture where well-being is a priority. Rob's raw storytelling and practical wisdom will leave you feeling seen, supported and ready to face life's challenges with courage and optimism. So grab a drink, settle in and get ready for an episode that reminds us all that happiness is a choice we can make every single day. So this week, I am joined by Rob Hosking, and the exciting thing about you, rob, is that you are my first TEDx speaker. So how are you and what is your mischief?

Rob Hosking: 2:51

I'm good. I'm good and I was thinking about this question what's my mischief? I definitely think my mischief is to challenge everything. I'm a challenger, so I am Even from when I was a young kid to now. I've always challenged everything that people say to me, or people's beliefs, society's beliefs, always challenged the status quo, to the annoyance of my family, probably growing up, because I'd always, I'd always answer a question with a question oh, I love that because it was never enough for me just to hear something or getting told something and this is how it should be done.

Rob Hosking: 3:28

I always be like, yeah, but why? Why do I need to do this? Yeah, but what with this? So I definitely think mischief is definitely to be a challenger in life, always questioning everything.

Zoe Greenhalf: 3:40

It does sound like you're very curious in that case, and I love that kind of challenging spirit.

Rob Hosking: 3:48

That's it curious. I've never been that person. Just who accepts what somebody says is gospel. Never been that person. So for me, I've always remained curious, even when my life didn't necessarily look as free as I wanted it to, and maybe a little bit more disciplined with my time in the police force. Even when there is discipline there, I think I remain my curious self. I remain my questioning self and challenging self. That's something that I've taken with me throughout, and I obviously have different degrees of challenge and different degrees of curiosity because, as I'm sure we'll go into it, the police force probably hammers a lot of it out of you because it's like the military and things like that it's. It's a culture where you conform, and for me I don't like to conform.

Zoe Greenhalf: 4:43

That's the last thing I like doing in life yes, another non-conformer, like so many of the guests on this podcast. Yes, you know, um, the mischief movement is about is about carving your own path, um, being your authentic self and making life work in a way that feels good to you, rather than constantly feeling as though you've got to squeeze yourself into a box or only reveal part of your personality. But what has your journey been like up until this point?

Rob Hosking: 5:18

Yeah, I think I left Northern Ireland. So I'm originally from Belfast and I left Northern Ireland at 19 years old to go to university over in Scotland and for me that was a chance to maybe live that freedom life that I wanted to. I say freedom of inverted commas, but, yeah, I wanted to get away from home and start living a life that was maybe on my terms and do things that I want to do, because I did probably have a more sheltered upbringing. Maybe that was because Northern Ireland at the time was going out of the troubles. My family were very sheltered because they had seen so much during the troubles, so I think I was very sheltered and protected growing up. So university represented something for me as a real life experience where I was able to be independent for the first time really in my whole life.

Rob Hosking: 6:09

And I went to university, studied history in university just because I loved history, never because, oh, I need to do something with this degree. I just loved history. So I decided I would do that university and I was in fourth year at university and thought to myself what am I going to do in my life? And this is where maybe some of the conformity started happening, because in my life. There's people around me telling me what career you're going to do, what you're going to do in your life, and it was all success orientated in terms of a career. I now know that success isn't just a career in your life. Success means so many different things, but at that time, with my family and people around me, it was it was clear that, well, what career are you going to go to? Because you can't just study history and then do nothing after university. You need to do something with yourself. What you're going to do, yeah, and I felt that pressure of maybe not enjoying my last, maybe year and a half at university, or two years university, because that cloud over me of, well, what you're going to do, what you're going to do, was always present, that idea of conforming to what people wanted and my family were either military or the police.

Rob Hosking: 7:25

That's their careers, that they took in their lives. So, yet again, I had always this idea of success was the military, success was the police. That is what a successful career looked like. And when my brother I was in fourth year, my brother came to me and he said, by the way, police Scotland are recruiting and I'm going for it. Do you want to go for it too? Okay, I probably didn't. Even 22 years old, I didn't even probably think to myself is this what I wanted? Because I just saw it as an opportunity of oh, this is something that I could actually jump into right at the end of my university degree, which is a perfect bridge.

Rob Hosking: 8:04

And then I'm like happy days, I wouldn't be without a career yeah and I think that pressure probably took over me and one thing led to another. You know, with these kind of things you just think what? What's the harm in putting an application in? Yeah, three months later you're on the street outside a nightclub and you think that's the harm of putting an application in, because it goes so quickly and you don't really have time to process it. Because, especially in the police force or military, you know you're going from a fitness test to another test, to another test and you're passing each stage. You might even thinking to yourself wait a minute, is this what I want? Yeah, people might think out there like, why did you even apply then? Why did you not ask yourself is this what I want?

Rob Hosking: 8:44

But when you have a family that dictated success was that kind of way of life. I think it was very hard not to like. I think I was. I was a victim of timing too, because at fourth year university, not knowing what I was going to do in my life, and then this opportunity came up, my dad and family and my brother would be like, oh, this is great. You know this was going to do in my life. And then this opportunity came up. My dad and family and my brother would be like, oh, this is great.

Rob Hosking: 9:07

You know, this is going to be perfect opportunity for you too yeah and I think at that time I maybe didn't have the belief in myself and the confidence in myself to follow my own path yeah because it's very hard sometimes, especially when you're younger, to follow a path that's different, and I think that I found that at that time but it's not always easy to know yourself, though, is it?

Zoe Greenhalf: 9:33

I mean, especially in your early 20s?

Rob Hosking: 9:35

to be honest with you. I think it's definitely my experience. I was in the police force for five years and my experiences both good and bad, mainly bad taught me a lot about life. I had so much trauma during those five years and there's two specific ones that really changed my whole outlook in life, and I can go into that soon. Yeah, but I didn't. I think yet again I was on this hamster wheel of life and people might just just think, people might be thinking really, did you not just stop and think to yourself what am I doing?

Rob Hosking: 10:12

When you're on this hamster wheel, when you're in the rat race, you almost feel like you don't have time to sit and pause and think. Is this what I want? You know core values. It's only something that I've recently started to look at, since I left the police force back in 2020. Back then, at 22 years old, I didn't know what core values were. You know in your education, grammar school or university. You never get taught by the way. These are core values. What are your core values? And understand who you are as a person.

Zoe Greenhalf: 10:43

Yeah.

Rob Hosking: 10:49

Instead, you're like right, what are you going to do with your career? Like in my grammar school it was you know clever people, right, you're going to even be a dentist or a doctor or an accountant, right? So that's what you use do. And then other people this is what you're going to do. They pigeonhole you in education and they don't actually allow you to be the individual that you are. I'm speaking from my own experience. Today's world might be different, but I still don't think enough is being done about values and how people can actually be their unique, true selves because, it comes all back to the government and what they want.

Rob Hosking: 11:19

They don't want people being self-employed and living a life that just suits them. They need people in the rat race, unfortunately, yeah. So yeah, it was something that I've came up with recently an understanding that I didn't follow my path. I didn't even know what my path looked like. It's quite sad looking back and thinking. At 22 years old I didn't sit and feel those feelings, oh, but I believe things most things anyway in life happen for a reason and yeah for sure, I wouldn't be doing what I do today as a motivational speaker if I didn't have those experiences of the trauma, if I didn't have the experiences of living an unaligned life, a life against my core values yeah.

Rob Hosking: 12:05

I almost had to do that to then be able to speak about them a little bit more in a personal sense and have that personal story that goes with it it's not always easy to know yourself, especially in your early 20s.

Zoe Greenhalf: 12:17

How have you been able to design a life that you love today? What things have, um have been the catalyst for those changes so?

Rob Hosking: 12:27

there was two. I think there's two main experiences in the police force which changed my perception of life completely, one probably more than the other, but both are connected and I look back and to say both are connected. The first one was back in July 2018, when I felt the unhappiness within me that I hated living life. Now, looking back, I realized it wasn't that I hated living life. It was just that I hated living my life and the way it looked. So that was my first idea into how conformity was really impacting me in a mental way, because my mental health was so, so poor.

Rob Hosking: 13:08

During that time, where I was probably a functioning depressive, all I wanted to do was sleep, and all I would do my days off was sleep, but then I'd put that mask on and I'd go to work and I'd make everybody else laugh, I'd check in with everybody else and, deep down, I was such an unhappy person. I am overly, oh sorry. Overall, I'm probably a very positive person. I have smiley face and things like that, but during that time, although I had that externally, internally I was anything but and I just realized I was living an unaligned, unhappy life. Yeah, and anytime I'd.

Rob Hosking: 13:45

That's the thing. I was emotionally drained for it and I'd speak to my parents about it and be like oh, I'm so unhappy. And you know my dad would be, unfortunately the maybe the old school sense of him would be like well, what else are you going to do in your life? You know you can't leave the place. That's your career. And I felt stuck.

Rob Hosking: 14:05

But I also felt like I'd changed yeah my core values, probably what they were at 22 years old. I went against them and then I started probably having core values that were being implemented on me by the workplace culture. I was changing into a negative, pessimistic, angry, bitter person all these negative words and I didn't like. I just did not like who I became, and it came to a point in July 2018 when I just thought I can't see a way out of this. But the only way out that I could see was to take my own life. And that's how unhappy I got and how much I hated life, that I couldn't see any other way out apart from taking my own life.

Rob Hosking: 14:51

And on the day that I decided I made the plans and I was going to do it, I remember waking up at 3pm, having slept all day, and I walked down the hallway and who met me down the hallway was my dog, who looked up at me and he gave me one big lick, and it was that lick that saved my life, because that split second Louis, my dog he showed me that he needed me and that I needed him, and he just gave me that love in that split second to make me think what would I do without you and who's going to give you that love and attention that I would, and that's just changed my life. Looking back, I look at that moment, and it's changed my life now, but in that moment I've just had a reason to live, and Louis was the reason to live, but I didn't necessarily probably take much onus on it, as much as I probably should have. I probably should have seen that as the turning point where I've been spared. So what am I going to do with this life then?

Rob Hosking: 15:50

yeah, and unfortunately I didn't. I'd probably describe myself still as a functioning depressive until a couple years later where, on my last ever shift well, I didn't know it was going to be my last ever shift, it just it's transpired that it would it was. I witnessed a young male take his own life in the morning and I was there for him as he took his last breaths in this world. And that's such a difficult thing to do. Just to watch somebody die in front of you, especially somebody who's only 21 years old, to feel that he felt like I did and thought that life wasn't worth living anymore that's such a horrible thing to witness. Yeah, but five hours later, my colleague then had a heart attack on shift and died.

Rob Hosking: 16:30

Oh, my god my colleague had 29 year service, one year left until retirement, and he'd often talk to me about the plans for the future, the traveling he was going to do with his wife and things like that, and I thought to myself. Then I was like, when I was overlooking him and the paramedics were giving him CPR, I thought to myself wait a minute. Am I willing to put off living a life that I want to live for a future that may never come? Was I willing to put 30 years into this job that wasn't looking after my mental health?

Zoe Greenhalf: 17:04

for what?

Rob Hosking: 17:05

for a promise of a future. Oh, I'll be happy then. I'll be happy once I retire and get my pension. And it just made me think, wait a minute, the pension, a pension, is not guaranteed. Retirement's not guaranteed. Life is for now, happiness is for now. Yeah, and I took five months off work after that because my my knee, I tore my ACL on that shift actually too, because my mental state just became so. I think all the trauma and negativity over the last few months before then it all just got too much and that last shift was just the straw that brought the camel's back, so to speak, and I tore my ACL and it was the best thing that ever happened to me because my mind, my body, made me stop, because I couldn't work, so I had to take five months off yeah and during that time I just realized what life was all about.

Rob Hosking: 17:57

I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself really, really difficult questions that I probably didn't like to answer. I didn't like the answers of the questions, but I had to ask myself what sort of to really what sort of questions did you ask yourself? I was asking myself was I happy with who I was as a person and what I'd become? Could I hold my head up high and be like? I'm proud of myself as a, as an individual, whether it's in a personal sense of who I was or in a professional sense?

Zoe Greenhalf: 18:24

yeah.

Rob Hosking: 18:25

I asked myself look at the people you're surrounding yourself with right. Are these people you admire and you respect, or are they people that are probably adding to the negativity in your life? Are the people who would celebrate you when you need celebrated? Are the people who lift you up when you need to lift up? Are they people who are happy to be in your life because you're doing the same as them?

Rob Hosking: 18:49

you're you're doing the rat race with them yeah um, I asked myself how, I asked myself what the things that made me unhappy in my life, and I realized that there's more things that made me unhappy in my life than made me happy okay and that's a hard thing to to come to terms with when you look at your life and analyse it and you think why am I doing more things in my life that make me unhappy?

Zoe Greenhalf: 19:10

Life is so precious necessarily taught how to define them or what it means to use them as a guide. So what are your core values and how did you?

Rob Hosking: 19:33

choose them. There's so many things that I had to come to terms with during that time and I just it just changed me. I had to. You know, then core values was one of the questions I asked myself during that time, because I asked myself, rob, you know, core values was one of the questions I asked myself during that time Because I asked myself, rob, what are your core values and are you living them? And I went down the core values and they were freedom, spontaneity, challenge and self-belief. Freedom and spontaneity. The police force was not like. That was never going to give me freedom and spontaneity. And what hurt me the most when I wrote those down or when I said them to myself, was that at 22 years old, my core values probably would have been freedom and spontaneity too and you know we change our core values as we grow old and different things happen in our lives.

Rob Hosking: 20:21

But, yeah, at 22 years old, those two core values would have still been there and you know you could always kick yourself. You think you went against them for five years of your life, day in and day out, minute by minute, and there was a lot of anger and I won't hide it, there was a lot of anger. I had for myself that I allowed myself to live this unaligned, unhappy life for so long and I had to work through that anger because I realized that that anger was only impacting me. It wasn't impacting the people in the police force or the police force in general, it was only impacting me. And, yeah, I came true to what my values were and I thought, well, there's only really one way to get out of this and you need to make aligned decisions. And the aligned decision was quit your job because it's not, it's not an aligned job anymore because, well, it was never.

Rob Hosking: 21:16

But now I was true to my values and understood that I needed to make decisions based on them yeah quitting that job was the best thing that ever happened to me, because it was that first step to understanding and reclaiming who I was. All along, I was a number. I was delta 1509. That was my shoulder number and for five years that's who I was. I wasn't Rob, I was delta 1509 that's really funny.

Zoe Greenhalf: 21:43

Um, because I still remember my my own number from my time in the army reserves.

Rob Hosking: 21:48

It was w1052244 it's funny it becomes ingrained, because it becomes your identity, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah so it's um, it became me, but thankfully and I am so thankful that these things happened to me it was horrible, trauma, traumatic things that happened, but I'm thankful that they happened because it allowed me to reclaim Rob again and who I was. So it was.

Zoe Greenhalf: 22:15

It's been a journey and a half to understand me again, but it can't have been easy, rob, to go through all of that, and I'm so sorry that you also felt angry and frustrated with yourself. You know it's easy to think I should have seen that or or maybe done things differently looking back, but you know that was also a different person, a different version of the man that you are now. Um, I think we're so conditioned by society, um, and and and and the kind of proven path or our family and friends, unless we already have an incredibly strong sense of who we are and what we want straight out the gate, we're bound to listen to these things and these people, and that's where the self-belief comes in, doesn't it?

Rob Hosking: 23:07

yeah, I think so. I think you know I do look back and understand just how much I maybe conform to this society's ideas of what success was and what happiness was, and you know you have to go through the hard times to get clarity and so many things in your life.

Rob Hosking: 23:26

Yeah, and yeah, like I'm still, you know you have to go through the hard times to get clarity and so many things in your life. Yeah and yeah, like I'm still, you know, 31 and I just think, rob, some people never come to terms with and find out the true meaning of life or the true meaning of their life happiness.

Rob Hosking: 23:38

Yeah, I found out when I was 27 years old. That's when I left the police force. I think cut yourself some slack. But I was speaking about this today and I look back at being 22 and things like that and my friends were doing their gap years and things like that after university and there I was outside a nightclub at 3 am making sure that nobody was fighting and making sure the drunk people were getting home, okay. And I look back and think, wow, wow, like what my 20s looked like compared to other people's were very different. But I need to I do need to stop comparing and realize well, rob, you reclaimed your life and there's. You know, age is just a number and I completely get that.

Zoe Greenhalf: 24:23

Exactly. There'll be people out there who loved their 20s but then perhaps turn 30 or 35 and suddenly go hang on. Um, how did I get here? This isn't the life I'd imagined for myself. They're going to then start that journey towards reclaiming who they really are. Um, as you said, age is just a number. Everyone arrives in their own time, and you're not the first person to come on this podcast and share their experiences in a way that makes me feel like um, I'm so late to the party. I spent years feeling miserable in jobs I hated and that treated me like shit. Yeah, and I also feel like God. If only I'd have had that sense of self-belief, maybe I'd have been able to change things sooner. Yeah, but you know you grow through what you go through, don't you? And I'm so happy to have this self-awareness now so I can make the changes that I use, that I need to make to be happy yeah, that's it.

Rob Hosking: 25:37

And you know, my brother is still in the police force and he's almost almost nine, nine years in now and you know, seeing what he see, hearing what he sees in his daily life, and hearing the same gripes that I would gripe about back years ago, I think to myself wow, like you know, paul, my brother, he's the example of some people are still living that life. I don't firmly believe that he's living a fully aligned life, but that's that's up to him to make that life. I don't firmly believe that he's living a fully aligned life, but that's that's up to him to make that decision. I can't, I can't tell him. You know, we can always give advice to people, but we don't know what necessarily they want.

Zoe Greenhalf: 26:17

And also it's easier said than done doing things.

Rob Hosking: 26:19

You know, people need to make decisions because they want to do it, and when people are forced into making decisions, they actually became, become more resentful to it and then end up not doing it. So they have to come to that conclusion themselves. So I've always say to paul, here and there, little bits, but I've came to the conclusion now where, if he's ever going to leave the police which he may never not, and that's fine he might find something that he loves in the police, but that's that's up to him. That's his life path to live and I can't dictate his life path for him.

Zoe Greenhalf: 26:50

He needs to go along the path himself it's so hard because we can't fix or make other people change, can we?

Zoe Greenhalf: 26:57

yeah we can only try to um, open their minds a little or offer any perspective on things. That's what I love to do, you know. I like to help people think a bit differently so they can start to view their life in a new way. We we know that thoughts are so powerful and deeply affect our actions. So what advice do you think you'd give someone listening who does feel a bit stuck and perhaps wants to change something, but doesn't necessarily feel like they know where to begin?

Rob Hosking: 27:32

yeah, it was. It's. I always say in this and anything I talk about in my talks to businesses and things like that. I always say the small steps make the big difference. And I think this is probably true even with this, where when you're making big life decisions, they do seem massive and that's because they are massive, but you just have to take them into smaller steps because all of a sudden, when you make one decision and one little decision, one little decision, all these end up building up and having that compounding interest which then makes that grand decision. But that grand decision isn't being made overnight. Where he's like right, that's it. I'm leaving the police.

Rob Hosking: 28:12

The leaving the police wasn't my, um, my first decision. My first decision was to ask myself the question what my core values? And then ask myself the question what made me unhappy in my life? And ask myself another question and then all of a sudden, by step by step, I got closer to that decision of right. I've got all this evidence around me, so to speak. Yeah, that'll be the police in me, having all the evidence around me, then making a decision, and then I was able to make that decision.

Rob Hosking: 28:38

So it is really is the small steps that make the big difference. Because sometimes people might think, oh, it's easy just to say change your career, change life. You don't just take the small steps, ask yourself different questions or look into different scenarios and perspectives and then, before you know it, you get to that question with so much evidence around you that that question probably becomes the easiest question you'll actually have to ever answer in your life. Because for me, after I asked myself all those questions, that was the easiest thing I ever did was to leave the police because it felt so aligned. But if I say to anybody, oh yeah, just leave the police, it's easy. They'll be like, oh, it's easy for you to say, and it's only easy for me to say because I know the process that I took to make that decision. It wasn't the decision. I just slept on and thought right, I'm going to make this decision now. That was five months for me, yeah, five months of proper analytical self-awareness yeah.

Rob Hosking: 29:42

I wanted to leave the police in year two. I wanted to leave the police year three, year four, but I didn't leave the police until you know at the end, five years that I was in it. So I'm not saying people to wait all those years, but sometimes you make a decision when you're meant to make a decision. I firmly believe that sometimes that, yeah, it is easier said than done, just saying like let's leave, but you, you do make these decisions and they come to you when you need to make them the most. And that came to me when I needed to make the most. I needed to make it and I remember I went to New Zealand and did some traveling in New Zealand and I did some white water rafting and I went down this it was the highest commercial waterfall in the world and went down the waterfall and unfortunately the the raft tipped over and I was at the back of the raft, so I was right where the waterfall was.

Rob Hosking: 30:36

I couldn't get up. I forgot the training to make yourself as small as possible and I couldn't get up and I was trying to get up, trying to swim up, and things like that, and I always look back on that and think I was probably five seconds away from dying because I knew I needed to take a breath and I fought to myself and I still remember it to this day, that time when I knew I needed to take a breath, but knowing that I couldn't get up. And eventually I did get up and it honestly like it was the last split second possible. And I look back at that and I thought I think that changed me too. That was, you know, I was off work anyway and that was towards the end of and this holiday had been booked anyway. It was a spiritual awakening. It was a awakening that I needed, on top of everything else, that I had to be like Rob you could have died. And would you have died? Living a happy life.

Rob Hosking: 31:42

And it goes back to this quote from this motivational speaker years and years ago called les brown, and he said that when you're on your deathbed, imagine that you've got the ghosts surrounding your deathbed of your unfulfilled potential, the ghosts of the dreams that you never took that leap with ideas, you never took forward your talent, that you never took that leap with Ideas. You never took forward your talent, that you never used. And they come to you and they say to you that you could have brought them to life. They're angry, they're sad, they're disappointed, but now they have to go to the grave with you and you have to ask yourself the question how many ghosts are going to be around your bed when your time comes?

Rob Hosking: 32:31

When I heard that, I was just like wow, that is powerful that. How many ghosts do I want around my deathbed? Of the the things I wanted to do in my life but never had the courage to do, I don't want any ghosts around there. So that changes your perspective on life too. Never mind you add the trauma that I've witnessed through the five years, that last shift, then nearly dying in New Zealand.

Rob Hosking: 32:57

It all is just that recipe for making those decisions easier so when I came back from New Zealand within a month I quit my job. I sold my house and everything. I ended a relationship. Wow, because all of a sudden I was clear on what I wanted for my life and it became an easy decision yeah, yeah, you're right.

Zoe Greenhalf: 33:20

That is so powerful and, um, it gives me goosebumps to think about that and I seriously don't want any of those ghosts, but I also feel really passionate about helping other people to not have them either. Like, it genuinely upsets me to think of people living a sort of um like a, like a half life because they're holding themselves back from what they really want. You know, um, even you in that dark place of questioning whether you truly wanted to live anymore, like I hope you're doing so much better these days and doing more of the things that you love, the things that make you feel alive, um, what? What do you enjoy doing and what do you do just for fun? Just to feel that sense of, of really, truly living?

Rob Hosking: 34:10

yeah I to answer. Yeah, it's the, the idea of being spontaneous. That's, you know, my core values freedom and spontaneity. So I love things that, like you know, not having a full diary, week in, week out, where I'm like I can't do anything at this time in the whole morning because I've got this. If that was every day for me, that would make me unhappy. So, yes, I have meetings each day and talks every night every other day or whatever like that, but within the day there's spot, there's room for spontaneity yeah and for me, that brings me so much happiness and so much joy.

Rob Hosking: 34:46

Going out in nature, going out enjoying the sunshine in Valencia, going out for a coffee, going to the beach, enjoying anything that's near a body of water or whether it's a lake or the ocean, being around nature, is so important for me.

Rob Hosking: 35:04

And you know, even just that spontaneity of I'm gonna go for a coffee now, because I'm not doing the nine to five and I can, it's like it's 12 o'clock or 11 o'clock, I'm like, yeah, but I could take a couple hours and I'll work later. I can work until midnight easily if I wanted to, and I love that and I think that's the joy of self-employment. Obviously, self-employment can be a a little pain sometimes too, because sometimes there's no off switch and everything you have to you have to get yourself and do yourself. But I find there's so much joy in it because it allows me to meet those core values of spontaneity and freedom. And then I love to travel and experience new cultures and it's those kind of things that in five years in the police force they didn't allow me to do as much as I wanted. Yes, I could go on holiday and stuff, but you know, you go on holiday for a week, you're not experiencing a new way of life, you're not experiencing new cultures, I guess. I think that's probably the main thing.

Rob Hosking: 36:03

My schedule is my schedule now yeah for the first time, I'm no longer controlled by other people or by organizations telling me what I can and can't do, and the police force especially. Oh, it was like, you know, they would cancel your days off because you have to attend court to give evidence and you'd be like I've got something planned and they'd be like we don't care because this is your job. It was a job 24 7 because they could take your days off away. They could take your annual leave away whenever they wanted. If you, you know, you had something planned at night and you've got an early shift and you're meant to finish at 5 pm.

Rob Hosking: 36:42

If you're dealing with something, you can't just go sorry, guys, I've got something planned, you're dealing with that. You can't just go sorry, guys, I've got something planned, you're dealing with that thing, and then you take it home with you because you can't just leave the trauma at the door whenever you leave the office. It's a job for 24 7 and you miss so much living life. So now, having that freedom, spontaneity back in my life is it's, it's more than I can ever want in my life, and it looks so many, so different in so many ways, because that spontaneity can really lead to just a last minute holiday or, um, you know, just going for coffee whenever I want to, it's, it's that kind of those kind of things, it's so important to me?

Zoe Greenhalf: 37:20

yeah, have you found that, since redefining your career and being able to design your schedule, it's easier to connect or reconnect with people?

Rob Hosking: 37:32

Yeah, I think connecting with people it's different. I think it's difficult with connecting with people from my time in the police because there's so much trauma there from seeing the worst in people day in, day out. There's so much trauma there from seeing the worst in people day in day out.

Rob Hosking: 37:50

There was so much trauma there from probably the the distrust, the negativity that happened within the police force and that's just in the police culture. That's that's before you even deal with the baddies, so to speak. You know all the mistrust you had. So connecting with people is probably the thing that I don't know. I'm not saying I'm not good at it, it's just that it's probably the most difficult thing for me, because when you're so true on your own values too, you don't put up with some people's things, you don't. You don't think, you know, you know exactly who you want as a friend. A friend and things like that. Yeah, because you've been through so much and you think, yeah, but I know pressure, my time's precious to me. I like being by myself, so I don't need to make this time for a friend, because what you know, why do I need? If they're not right for me, I can cut them from my life. I don't have any problems with that anymore because I know who I am as a person yeah, it's about the boundaries.

Rob Hosking: 38:47

It's a blessing and a curse knowing who you are truly, because I think sometimes your circle does become smaller, which is absolutely fine, but it becomes about quality rather than quantity. It's the quality in your connections that, once you become true to yourself, the quality in your connections, just it's unmatched. But it might take a little bit time for you to find that person, that friend that you can really call a friend and can really trust. I think so. It's difficult, but you just have to be willing to know and understand. Yeah, but they will. You know that person will come.

Zoe Greenhalf: 39:23

So yeah, yeah, I absolutely agree, but I also hope you're able to create some, some interesting connections in the coming months, um, because you're actually speaking at several festivals, aren't you?

Rob Hosking: 39:38

yes, yes, I'm going to some festivals in the uk so I might see this friday'm going to wellness and wild, the festival up in ipswich way, and then I'm going to wisdom and wellness and I'm going to car fest. So some good festivals there where I'm speaking, all about how people can find alignment in their lives and find happiness and joy in their lives. So just kind of going through my story and the tips I've learned along the way. And then, you know, obviously I give talks to businesses about workplace well-being and things like that.

Rob Hosking: 40:13

So they look a little bit different to the festival talks, because it's not about telling people quit your jobs. It's about promoting how people can be happier in the workplace and that looks about workplace well-being and culture and how we can create a thriving culture. But it all comes back to happiness because when we can have a happier workplace they're actually 13% more productive and research has shown that. So you know, people might think, well, I'll only ever be happy if I quit my job. You think no people can be happy in their jobs. We just need to create a culture in the workplace where people can embrace their uniqueness and where people can actually embrace their vulnerability and be who they are, rather than trying to conform within that setting yeah, for sure they can be happy within a workplace, and you know, there's tips that I give throughout these talks.

Rob Hosking: 41:06

So it's possible. Yeah, of course it's possible. People, happiness isn't just quitting your job of course it's not, but we need to create cultures which where people can thrive yeah, yeah.

Zoe Greenhalf: 41:17

I'm such a firm believer in creating these like strong, supportive work cultures where people can thrive because of who they are, rather than hide themselves behind a mask and just, um, pretend that they're okay. In terms of, yeah, a parting message. What's one thing that you'd like the listener to take away from our conversation today?

Rob Hosking: 41:41

today. I think for anybody listening, my core message is just understand what makes you happy. I always you know people are like, okay, really, is that the advice? But my point is happiness means something different to every single one of us. You might see somebody on Instagram or Facebook or whatever having three kids and they've got a brand new house and you think that must be happiness. I must strive for that. That's maybe happiness to them. Maybe it is, but that doesn't mean it's happiness to you. You might see people traveling the world and you're like oh well, I need to do a gap year, I need to travel the world because they seem happy and they've got that freedom yeah, yet again, that's not everybody's core values, that's not happiness to everybody.

Rob Hosking: 42:27

So we need to understand our unique selves.

Rob Hosking: 42:32

We need to understand our own core values and what really makes us shine in this life, and then we can figure out what makes us happy not your next door neighbor, not your friend, not, you know, your cousin, whatever it's all about. What makes you happy and embrace it. It can be the most different thing compared to everybody else. It can be the most unique thing that people might look at and you think they might think really that makes you happy. Embrace it, because in this one life that we live, it's not about living other people's lives and other people's ideas of happiness, it's about living yours.

Rob Hosking: 43:07

And there's this Jim Carrey quote that I always look back at, and he says that his dad could have been a great comedian, but he didn't have the confidence to to go for it and instead he got a safe job as an accountant. But when Jim Carrey was 12 years old he got let go of that job. And the point is that you can get, you can feel at things that don't make you happy. Then you can feel that things like the safe things in your life. So you may as well try with the things that make you happy.

Zoe Greenhalf: 43:40

Yeah, exactly Rob. Thank you so much for sharing your story, your wisdom and your passion for designing a life that fulfills you. Where can people find out more about you?

Rob Hosking: 43:55

So you can find me on Instagram, youtube and LinkedIn with my Instagram handle, rob Hosking Official, and you can find my website, which is wwwrobhoskingco. Anyone that always asks me they're like is itcom. I'm like no, justco, that's it. That's the new cool. The new cool thing brilliant rob.

Zoe Greenhalf: 44:18

it's been brilliant to talk to you today, so um have an amazing summer, an amazing time um giving your talks and doing your workshops, and I look forward to catching up with you again soon.

Rob Hosking: 44:31

Appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Zoe Greenhalf: 44:34

So here we go with the takeaways from Rob. Number one have you ever stopped to ask yourself what success looks like to you? You don't have to conform to someone else's idea of a successful or respectable career path. Two don't worry if in the past you didn't have the belief or self-confidence to choose a different path. Focus on the now, because your past doesn't define who you are or who you get to become.

Zoe Greenhalf: 45:01

Three life is for now. Happiness is for now. Are you willing to put off living for a time that may never come? Four take a break before your body forces you to easy to say, harder to do, but there's nothing like a rest, to press that big old reset button. Five if you can work out what your core values are, then it helps you to make more aligned decisions in your life. Six don't compare your life at a certain age to someone else's at the same age, because at the end of the day, it's just a number and we are all on different journeys anyway, which is great, because you haven't missed out and maybe the best is yet to come. Seven we can't change other people. They have to make decisions because they want to do it. Eight small steps make the biggest differences. Nine choose quality over quantity when it comes to connections and nurturing those relationships of the people around you. And number 10, happiness means different things to different people, and you can fail at anything you try at any point, so you may as well just go for the things that fill you with happiness and joy.

Zoe Greenhalf: 46:20

That's a wrap on another episode of the Mischief Movement podcast. If today's content stirred something in you, let's keep in touch on Instagram or connect with me on LinkedIn. You can even click the link in the show notes to sign up to my Mischief Mail newsletter, where you'll get exclusive insights on upcoming episodes and your chance to submit questions to future guests. But shh, don't tell anyone, it's our secret. For more info on ways to work with me and some fun free resources, check out the website themischiefmovementcom. Until next time, stay bold, stay rebellious and, of course, keep making mischief you.