Breaking Free from the Bottle: Suzanne Frear's Story of Sobriety and Creative Renewal

Have you ever felt shackled by the weight of cultural norms, especially when it comes to the role alcohol plays in our lives? This week's podcast peels back the curtain on the transformative journey of sobriety with my inspiring guest, Suzanne Frear. Suzanne's remarkable transition from corporate banking to a career that sings to her soul demonstrates the power of releasing oneself from the chains of alcohol. She shares her story of awakening to a life reclaimed from the haze of habitual drinking, offering insights into the tools that helped her through the early days of sobriety and the strength discovered in breaking away from societal expectations.

Navigating social waters without the crutch of a cocktail in hand can be daunting, but it's also an opportunity for profound personal growth. In our candid discussion, we explore the varied reactions from friends and the journey to unwavering self-belief. The chapter on embracing change and pursuing creative passions is a testament to the courage required in stepping into entrepreneurship, where Suzanne and I share our experiences of self-doubt, exhilarating freedoms, and the little joys found along the way. I hope our conversation will encourage you to harness the same determination as you consider your own pivot towards a life of intention and creativity.

Finally, we address the creeping sense of monotony that can all too easily sneak into our lives. Whether it's the repetitive cycle of an unfulfilling job or the challenges of early parenthood, we provide strategies to reignite personal growth and break free from autopilot existence.  Join us on this episode for a hearty dose of inspiration to live a life brimming with mischief and meaning, defying the mediocre every step of the way.

https://www.instagram.com/suzannefrear_/

www.suzannefrear.co.uk/start-here

https://sobergirlsociety.com/

https://www.rubywarrington.com/books/sober-curious/

Transcript

Suzanne Frear: 0:00

world has opened up to me and, like I said, I'm living a far, far bigger life and finding so much joy in the smaller things. It's just a life change, just taking back control, just seeing what else you could do if your life wasn't taken up with this focus for Drunk King, and that's what I wanted to try. I wanted to see what it would be like. The freedom from that blew my mind.

Zoe Greenhalf: 0:27

Hello, it's Zoe coach, creator and mischief maker behind the Mischief Movement podcast. You're weekly in spoe for people looking for more hell yeah in their life. I'm on a mission to help you rediscover that rebellious streak, find your confident inner badass and stop holding yourself back from the amazing life you've been dreaming of. Join me each week as I discuss mindset, share stories or develop strategies, sometimes alone, but most often through interviewing adventurous, unconventional guests who are shaking up the status quo, living life on their terms and impacting the world by doing things differently. All this so I can help you, my amazing, renegade listener, to experience the freedom, adventure and meaningful connections I know you've been craving. Not long ago, I woke up one day and thought this isn't the life I'd imagined for myself. I felt disconnected and unfulfilled, but I set my intention firmly on adding more fun, getting out of my comfort zone and becoming curious about what truly lit me up. And then magical things started to happen, including this podcast. As that famous quote goes, she remembered who she was and the game changed. I've always loved the Red Mischief because it's cheeky, playful and a little bit rebellious, and that's exactly what I hope this podcast brings to the table an audio ass kick out of midlife mediocracy towards fun and positive impact via playful disruption. Let's rewrite the rules, throw two fingers up to society and do more of the things we love. So I'm here to empower you to boldly rebel against the ordinary and support you as you design a life you don't want to escape from. If you feel called to activate your own adventure and make unconventional your new normal, I dare you to jump in with me. Ready, let's go.

Zoe Greenhalf: 2:23

I love asking my guests what is your mischief? Because you just never know where the conversation is going to go. And that's exactly what happened when I spoke to Suzanne Frey at the end of last year, expecting to chat about how she changed up her life from corporate banking to freelance copywriting, via social media management and motherhood. But this conversation took a different turn when she revealed the one decision that has allowed her to live a bigger life and given her the confidence in herself to design a lifestyle on her terms. Curious, I bet. All right, she quit alcohol completely. So if you've ever thought about going sober and wondered whether you could or would go through with it, listen up, because this one episode might just get you thinking differently. I'll also pop some useful links in the show notes. If you'd like support with making a similar change in your own life, right, let's dive straight in. So this week, I am joined by Suzanne. I'd love to ask you, suzanne, what is your mischief?

Suzanne Frear: 3:27

So we've just been thanking you about this properly and my mischief is going against from the biggest societal norms I know of and I've stopped drinking a couple of years ago and it's absolutely changed my life and the way I live my life, the way I see what's going on around me and the joy I'm finding. So my mischief is living a bigger life through sobriety Amazing.

Zoe Greenhalf: 3:54

I love the way you say that as well living a bigger life. So what was behind the decision to give up alcohol?

Suzanne Frear: 4:05

So I drank from a young age, as many people do. It's so normal in society. I tried drinking around 13, 14. And it was fun to get as drunk as possible and that sort of theme never stopped, like the more drunk you could get or the more tolerance you had for alcohol. That was a mark of your. You were in life, how great you were, how much fun you were. It was. You know what you were like when you were drinking and this carried on absolutely. You know university life.

Suzanne Frear: 4:36

Drinking is such a part of the culture so it just became a very much an everyday thing for me, especially during COVID, which was a strange time for everybody. But all that, you know, we had the first few months. We had fantastic weather. It was like one long summer holiday. You know you couldn't work, kids couldn't go to school. We had the paddling pool now and it was at 2 o'clock by, you know early afternoon.

Suzanne Frear: 5:04

So it wasn't ever that I, you know I was failing to work or I was failing to function. I was a highly functioning person with a bad relationship with alcohol and I'd been thinking about it for a couple of years. I'd noticed the odd person around me on social media just saying that they'd quit alcohol, and so I think, oh, that's amazing, but how do they do it and what do they do? And I can't give up drinking yet because I've got my birthday coming up or I've got someone's wedding coming up, or it's Christmas. How do you do those things without a drink? So it had been definitely something I was thinking about and it just sort of came to a head. It wasn't even a terrible night, a terrible blackout. I didn't fall and hurt myself or totally embarrass myself None of these things. I just drank too much, as usual on my own, and I just woke up the next day and thought this is just why you're doing this. My husband had gone to bed at a normal time the night before I stayed up and I carried on drinking on my own for no reason whatsoever. Literally, it wasn't that I wanted to be drunk, it wasn't that I enjoyed the flavor, it was just what I was doing. And oh, I'm here, I'm watching something. It's a Saturday night there for I'm drinking.

Suzanne Frear: 6:18

And it was that mindlessness that I wanted to stop. I wanted to just not even take control, but just be aware, just have a say in what I was doing, rather than it being like, I say, a mindless habit, that I was an autopilot doing. I wasn't making a conscious decision. And I did say from the start I've quit alcohol for good. I didn't say I'm going to take a break. I didn't say this is stopped over or sober, genuine, any of those things, because for me I needed. I couldn't put a target on it, because then I know that I'd say to myself oh well, if I'm only doing it for a month, I'll be drinking again by then. So what's the point? I might as well drink now there would always be an excuse. But by telling myself it was it that, was it no more.

Suzanne Frear: 7:04

And I got myself one of those little apps that counts the days for you and I downloaded Audible and got as many podcasts and sober lit books and stuff quit and just got that support straight away. Did it help? Oh, absolutely. One of the first books I listened to, which is a bit of a hit miss I've spoken to a couple of people about it but a sober girls society and it really, really resonated with me the way that it was read to me on the audio book and things, it just it made sense. You know, she was an average girl who just had gotten this culture of drinking way too much, and she wasn't making any big statement about herself by giving up drinking, she was just this is my life choice, and she sort of gave hints and tips on how to sort of navigate it. Because people don't understand, people assume that you just, oh, you must be on antibiotics, or you're pregnant or you're feeling all well, or you're driving, or you're driving.

Suzanne Frear: 8:05

Yeah, health kick, exactly. It's a short term thing and I actually I quit in the beginning of October and I remember seeing someone towards the beginning of Ember and I said, oh, I haven't drunk that, you know I've quit drinking. And they were like, oh, how long is it? Three weeks. And they just laughed. They said, oh yeah, well, I'll see you at Christmas. You know, I'll buy you a drink at Christmas and you know, that sort of it's just alien to so many people and that's the people I hang around with. They were my friends, you know that's, I was just like them. So I totally understood it and didn't judge him for it. But I found it quite surprising that's just the lack of support. So, yeah, absolutely Quitlet was fundamental to me to just knowing that there's other people out there that you know no big thing, no huge rehab story like you see on the news or you know in big autobiographies and losing your livelihoods, your families, things, terrible, terrible things. It's just a life change, just taking back control, just seeing what else you could do if your life wasn't taken up with this focus for drinking. And that's what I wanted to try. I wanted to see what it would be like. Yeah, and I have to like it sounds so cliche. I know I've been so. I never looked back.

Suzanne Frear: 9:18

But I swear to God, from that first week, whilst there are definitely times where I thought I missed drinking, I missed that habit of it, I missed that looseness, that, the frivolity, the loudness in my laugh, the confidence I might have had before, which wasn't really me. It was me with alcohol. It wasn't truly me so. But there were definitely times where I was like, well, I wouldn't only have a drink, but there's so many substitutes now in the market that I could pretend to have a drink. And so psychologically, I was still doing what I'd always done. But I'd just waking up with a clear head every day, not worrying what I'd said the night before, not thinking, oh God, I drank too much or I don't know. It's just something silly, like I made a mess, I ate too much when I was drinking or I dropped something on the floor. It's really small things, but just that ugh.

Suzanne Frear: 10:13

Why did I do it again? Why did I do it again? And the freedom from that blew my mind. I love that Now you're talking my language. It's just unbelievable. Just yeah, totally. I changed the way I looked at everything I did, finding new ways to have that buzz, to have that fun, has been just fantastic. It's been very strange at times because with every time I realized something. With every time I see something that brings me more joy or something I didn't realize I enjoyed so much before all those new revelations, I realized how much time I spent and wasted focusing on drinking, focusing on when the next drink was coming or what I should try, and now it's just the tiniest, the tiniest little things that are bringing so much joy. And it's yeah, it's freedom. It's amazing, it's this whole new world has opened up to me and, like I said, I'm living a far, far bigger life and finding so much joy in the smaller things. What?

Zoe Greenhalf: 11:20

are some of the things that you have actually sort of either discovered or rediscovered off the back of this, because one of the things that really hit me was when you described this sense of being on autopilot and describing drinking as more of a habit. So I mean, in breaking that habit, what have you started to notice more of?

Suzanne Frear: 11:43

In breaking the habit. I've got more mind space for other things. So whilst I'd normally be thinking, okay, what time is it, when can I have a drink, or what should I drink tonight, or what would be too much, I've got space to think about okay, do I want to go and sit with the kids and just hang out? And then what does that mean? And it's great. Like, do you know the game Uno? Up until two years ago, I'd never played the game Uno. I didn't when have you been Right? So I just didn't give it the time of day. And it's something simple like Uno, which, like I'm screaming out loud when I'm doing really well at Uno, if I win, I'm all over the place. This joy of just the tiny, tiny things, and that's the I found the time to take to just try different things, things that I've talked about or just put off is not important. Like I've always loved swimming and I've got back to swimming in the past couple of years. It's the closest I'll get to meditating, I think, is when I'm concentrating on my breathing in the pool. But also I'd always wanted to try open water swimming and just never got round to it. Or, you know, I don't know who else does it out there, but there are often early morning sessions. I wasn't an early morning person, surprise, surprise. And now one of my favorite things to do in the better weather. I'm not quite a cold water swimmer just yet, but in the better weather yet.

Suzanne Frear: 13:05

My friends and I were going with F half past seven on a morning and it's the most glorious start to the day and it's peaceful and it's calm and we can have a little. You know, we're not doing the front crawl and going as fast as possible, but just serenely with our heads like swans across the top of the water, having a little chat, and we're just so. We feel privileged to be able to do it. And you're looking around at this nature around you and there's other people doing the same thing, and it's just this privilege, this joy that I get to do it and, like I say, it's no big thing, it doesn't cost a shed ton of money, it's not something you have to build up to do, it's just this small little moment that I get to enjoy.

Suzanne Frear: 13:51

But I wouldn't have taken the time to before, I was lazy, before my world was smaller. I just did what I'd always done. So, yeah, that's it. That's just finding those little pockets of joy and just relearning where I'm getting my dopamine from is a big thing, you know. Like it's just, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, I found that. Yeah, card Games is my go-to On a night with friends if they're all drinking and they could be on the karaoke or whatever and have like. Does anybody want to play?

Zoe Greenhalf: 14:22

How do you navigate that, though? I mean, one of my thoughts is fair enough. I could say to myself I don't want to drink, that's it now. Yeah, but then being in those social situations where everybody else is drinking, what's that like, and how do you get through that?

Suzanne Frear: 14:42

So it's different and at first I didn't put myself in those situations, but there were certain ones I couldn't avoid. There were certain people's birthdays, or we had Christmas coming up and different things, and some of them. As I say, there was a gentleman who came across me and then was like, oh, I'll see you at Christmas and I'll buy you a drink. Then, you know, there was this lack of belief in what I might or might not achieve, but there was no attempt to understand it, or there was. One of the best reactions I've ever had was when I told someone I wasn't drinking because I quit, that she actually said to me I don't know why you're trying to ruin it for everyone else. What I don't like? It had anything to do with her, but that's more a reflection on how she was feeling. Like, oh well, if Suzanne's not drinking, what's it say about me? But on the whole I'm really lucky.

Suzanne Frear: 15:33

I have got some of the most amazing people in my life that I can be with when they get really drunk, and it's just no different. I mean, there can be certain times where you might not laugh for as long as they do or want to get as loud as they do, but in general we've got enough in common and they don't judge me and they don't expect me to have a drink and they would never mention it and they're constantly trying to find me really nice non-alcoholic drinks to have in their gatherings. And I've got I'm really lucky, I've got some of the most fantastic people who care about me enough that we work together in that odd situation and they're generally where I do my mixed in. But I guess if the situation arises where I am with people who just don't get it, oh, you find that the people who don't get it want to talk about it, then really want to talk about it. And you do often get people saying well, I don't really drink that much, I can take it or leave it. I'll have a drink tonight and then I won't have another one till next weekend. It's all about their stories, which you know it's great.

Suzanne Frear: 16:47

I'm really happy for you, but that's not me, that's not my experience and you know we're all different. I respect you. I'm not going to say to you don't have a drink, it's none of my business whether you drink or not. But just yeah, leave me to it, don't lecture me on how I should probably. Yeah, you could probably have one and you'd be fine. No, no, no, I don't even want one. I don't know whether I'd be all right, I don't know whether I'd spiral into this drunken mess, but I just don't even want one, which is really interesting now.

Zoe Greenhalf: 17:15

Yeah, and I think the other thing that's really interesting is when you talk about this disbelief from people to what you. What struck me is the fact that you actually have a lot of self-belief and a lot of strength of your own character to be able to say that's it no more, and stick to that.

Suzanne Frear: 17:38

You know, it's so lovely to hear you say that, because it's something I've only just realized myself, literally in the past six months. Even though I was doing it and I was living it, I didn't believe it, I didn't realize what I'd done and how strong I am.

Suzanne Frear: 17:53

I am one strong, badass bitch and I am over the moon with myself, but it took a realization. I've lived my life saying, oh, I never stick to anything. I dropped out of education half a dozen times. Or I've said I'm gonna write a book. I've never finished that book. You know, I got this mentality that I'll never stick at anything. And all of a sudden it struck me. I was walking my dog and I had to voice note a friend and I said, oh my God, I am so a thing strong. I gave up drinking, I gave up smoking and vaping. I just did it because I wanted to and I stuck to it. And yeah, I am strong and I can do it.

Suzanne Frear: 18:34

And yeah, that self-belief has grown. It didn't just appear overnight at all. It's something I've had to start to live along with and to realize. And it's really with him Because, again, I just wasn't. I was brought up not to believe in myself, but I just didn't have it before. I was so. Well, I'll do what I do. Well, you know, I'll work for the man and earn the money, and then we buy a house, then we save up and we buy a bigger house. You know, just do what everyone else does.

Zoe Greenhalf: 19:05

But it's so easy to slip into that though.

Suzanne Frear: 19:08

It really is. And, just like I said again, the autopilot, the mindlessness of not really thinking about. How happy am I? Am I doing what I really love? Does this bring me joy? Do I love and admire myself right now, CHEERING?

Zoe Greenhalf: 19:29

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Suzanne Frear: 20:43

Similarly, with this self-belief, when I quit my job last year to go self-employed freelance, I would never have done that before. I would never have thought I could do it.

Zoe Greenhalf: 20:55

See that's interesting, because now has that come off the back of giving up drinking? Because what I was going to say to you was so often it just takes one domino to start the others off in a company, and if you can prove to yourself and cultivate that kind of self-belief in one area of your life, the chances are it then starts off a chain of events across the other areas of your life.

Suzanne Frear: 21:24

Yeah no, I totally, totally agree because I never imagined when I gave up drinking that this is where I would end up. And whilst it's not the only reason that I've made so many changes in my life and did more things, it's definitely been a catalyst, like you say, the domino effect and just growing in confidence, getting to know myself. I have a fantastic therapist I think we should all get one for free but I've done so much work without just getting to know Do I discover myself? And finding out how strong I am, what reserves I've got, what creativity I've got, that I've put dampeners on before and, yeah, I'd been working, from a certain point, in financial policy.

Suzanne Frear: 22:10

I've got this fantastic job. I've paid stupidly well, but it brought me zero joy. I knew I was good at it. I had fantastic friends there. I was lucky to have this brilliant job. It was recession-proof for all intents and purposes, but it wasn't lighting me up. It didn't bring me any joy. I mentioned before I was going to write. I love writing, I love making up stories. I used to write really long letters to my friends when I was kids. Like with the Just, like reams and reams and reams of A4 paper, decorated and bits, but in just like with stories and just and that's grown like now with my kids, I write stories but I did do the grown-out a little bit but for their favourite toys and what they're doing and things.

Suzanne Frear: 22:57

I needed that creativity and I had never given it time before. I've never taken that time To think about where does my joy from the smaller things come from? And a part of that is, yeah, writing just brings me joined to find a way to do that and get paid for it. Again, it blows my mind when I wake up on a morning. I can't wait to go into my computer. I can't wait to do the work, which is something I never had before. You know, I'm out walking the dog and I love being out and having the pressure, but I'm like I should get back and do that with her, tweak that a little bit and bring that story in. I love it and I'm nosy, so learning other people's stories is brilliant. No, curious, curious.

Suzanne Frear: 23:40

Or like that yeah.

Zoe Greenhalf: 23:42

Positive language.

Suzanne Frear: 23:43

So how was that then? How did the?

Zoe Greenhalf: 23:46

move come about from being in finance to then going out on your own, so what is it exactly that you're doing now? So I've never been in a relationship with a real client.

Suzanne Frear: 23:59

So I'm a copywriter. I'm a creative copywriter, so I work predominantly with small businesses. I write blogs, newsletters, website copy and I craft case studies and sales pages. But the main draw for my clients is for them to make an authentic and real connection with the ideal audience so that they can start building strong relationships that move into ongoing paying relationships. And that's my goal for them is to really get to know them and their ideal audience and bring them together, and I love to do that. As they say, the curiosity, not the nosiness, really, really helps.

Suzanne Frear: 24:39

But yeah, I've been working for the European Central Bank over in Frankfurt. We'd lived in Germany for quite some time. We'd moved back when I was pregnant with my first child and since that time I'd been commuting back after maternity and, like I said, I really enjoy my job. I had some fantastic friends there. I enjoyed what I did because I knew I was good at it, if that makes sense and I felt accomplished is one thing, so there was job satisfaction in that way. That's the dream that we're sold though, isn't it Absolutely yeah?

Suzanne Frear: 25:19

So then, when I was on my second maternity leave with my son, things started to shift in me a little bit, like I started to think about was this really what I wanted to do? You know, I realized that when I was younger much younger, and my mum had gone back to work. So she stayed at home with us until towards the end of my time in primary school and I remember her going back to work and she got a job as a secretary within an estate agent and I just don't remember her being happy. I remember this feeling of her having to go to work for this massive chunk of time and she was just I've got to go to work. And she moved from job to job. She maintained the secretarial type role and then she did do some training and changed and she became an accounting assistant, but in general it's this office-based nine to five working for someone else.

Suzanne Frear: 26:09

And I remember thinking back then that's I'm not going to do that, that is not for me. I'm gonna own my own business, I'm gonna be my own boss, I'm gonna employ other people and I'm gonna have the best, most brilliant, most fun business. And I don't know where that dream went. It just disappeared somewhere, from being a kid you go through education and where you're always the break-through of the arts, no, yeah. But you're all the way through education, from your GCSEs, your A-levels. You just constantly say what do you wanna do? What do you wanna do? What's your career, what's the path you're gonna go on? How will you grow into that? And there's no wiggle room, there was no a chance to dream. Really, you know, we filled in this form on an old PC that sort of spewed out what our life would be, and I think I don't know, I can't remember I probably got working in like Devinums or something, cause I was good for talking to people, you know. So I was good on the tills, but you know there was no real. There's no point in like architect or like copyright. You know web design. You know these really creative things just weren't on the table. So you know, you choose courses and, like I said, dropped out of education a few times because it just wasn't fulfilling any kind of passion.

Suzanne Frear: 27:32

And before I knew it, I ended up going into recruitment agency and I got a job as a secretary, moved away up a little bit, met my husband now husband. He was already living in Germany at the time I moved out there, started tempting as a secretary, moved my way up within the bank, and I just never thought about it because it's like, well, you're earning the good money, you're living the life that everyone says you should live, you're able to go on the holidays, you've got a lovely flat, et cetera, et cetera. I didn't really think about what I was doing to get that and it, like I said, it wasn't until having Tom, my second child, and just sort of taking a moment, I suffered with postnatal depression with both my children and it gave me that opportunity to really reflect on who I was and my life through the therapy, and that's one thing that definitely came out of it. It's just like you need something more creative, you need to find joy in a different way. So I did some retraining before I went back to work just to see what I could do.

Suzanne Frear: 28:31

I did some social media training and, whilst that definitely wasn't for me, what I did find was a new outlet for this creativity through the writing, the copy for social media and how that then developed into blogs and things, and so and I expanded my network and I spoke to people who were doing it.

Suzanne Frear: 28:50

The people around me were all running their own business and surrounded by amazing women who were just doing it Like they weren't raking in millions, they weren't going on fancy held days in the Maldives and they definitely weren't working from the beach.

Suzanne Frear: 29:04

They were working hard, but they were doing what they wanted to do on their own terms and it inspired me so much that since then it's what I've been sort of doing on the side, as I say, like for about five or six years I did the copywriting on the side and then, when it came to the end of well, towards the end of last year, things started to change at the bank, for many reasons to do with Brexit, because that's the European Central Bank.

Suzanne Frear: 29:30

Used to be a member of the European Union to work there. They honored the contracts, that wasn't the issue, but it did change the dynamics of how much time you could spend in and out of the country with the new normal following COVID, et cetera, et cetera, and it just became the right time for me to leave that role. But the decision I made was not to find another similar job here that I would commute into every day, probably from where I am, whether we're Birmingham or into London, and instead, take this opportunity, look around me and try and listen to the universe a little bit and just okay, let's give this a go.

Zoe Greenhalf: 30:11

I am interested to hear, though, what was that the time gap? Like I mean, you said, it was last year that you kind of made that decision. You were doing the copywriting stuff on the side, and then last year, with all the stuff that was going on, rather than see this as the end, it was like here's an opportunity, that's exactly it.

Suzanne Frear: 30:32

Yeah, I did feel like I'd been given an opportunity and that's how I chose to look at it. Because initially, when I realized I was gonna hand my notice in and leave the job in Germany, I did go straight onto LinkedIn, started to see what was available, went onto the different job websites that there are and automatically just started clicking the links and filling in the forms and going down the route. But every time I did, if I got a response to say, okay, we'd like to invite you to apply. I didn't actually go through any interview processes, but when I did, I realized I wasn't feeling excited or the nerves I was getting wasn't like I say excitement, nerves or let's get this right. It was, oh God, I really don't want to. And so, to listen to myself yeah, it was a big thing to really take a note of how I was feeling, like you got reaction and listen to it and again, being so not totally in tune with myself, because that's probably an exaggeration of where I am. I think I've still got a lot of learning to do, but I think knowing myself and learning to trust myself comes from the fact that I've found this self confidence this self belief since I quite drank in, amazing. So yeah, to take that point on myself a year ago and at the time I said I'll give myself a year and other people are like, no, you have to give yourself at least three years. You know it's businesses take a while, but already in the last year I've had so many.

Suzanne Frear: 32:05

I've had highs and lows, don't get me wrong. It's not been plain sailing, but I've loved it, like the learning process and meeting people, learning new things and being asked to speak within groups about what I do and about things within my world, like chat, gpt. People want to talk about it, especially as a copywriter. Will it take over? Yeah, but the fact that people are what can you tell me about that? No, no, we should be good, we should be fine, okay, but yeah, just, my life has changed. So so much Like, and I am feeling a great joy now within myself on a daily basis from tiny stuff and big stuff. But I wouldn't have got here if I'd not just taken that first step. Yeah, and what?

Zoe Greenhalf: 32:54

a big first step. It was. You know. You don't miss about, do you? Yeah, there's no half-harsing that. Well you know, I'll try yeah. Yeah, it's so wonderful to hear, because I think that the kind of central theme to your story is the mindset piece. You know, it's the self-belief and the self-confidence that came from, just as you just said, like you took a bet on yourself. Yeah, you cultivated that self-belief and then it's like, well, if I can do that, what else can I do?

Suzanne Frear: 33:29

Yeah, absolutely, I'm just shy to have a go and just kind of see what you could do then Exactly, and I found it so exciting and it was such a fresh change for me, because I think in the past I've been one that didn't want to stand out too much, didn't want to try the new things In case it went wrong. I was quite fearful. How have you?

Zoe Greenhalf: 33:54

dealt with that then.

Suzanne Frear: 33:58

I guess it's the literally just taking a day at a time. Don't do the what-ifs, Don't try and project three or four months or even three or four weeks down the line. Do the next thing, see how that goes and then do the next thing. And if you're still enjoying yourself and you've still got your head just above water, I think you do okay, yeah, yeah.

Zoe Greenhalf: 34:24

So what advice would you give to anybody else who feels like they're kind of, I don't know, living on autopilot, I guess? That I just keep coming back to that sense of going through the motions.

Zoe Greenhalf: 34:39

I had a little bit of that experience myself, not with work, but when I first became a mother and every day just felt like this rinse and repeat and the overwhelming feeling for me was like I'm not growing here, I'm just kind of withering away and I felt terrible. I felt terrible saying that out loud, because you're a mother. It's amazing, it's a fantastic time, but why do I feel like this Exactly? But yeah, I'm sure there are other people, whether they're experiencing it through motherhood or whether it's because they're going to a job that they just really don't like and are just having to put up with. What would you say to those people to kind of help them get through that or break out of that right now?

Suzanne Frear: 35:29

I think it's like you said you took that time and you were able to voice it, which I think is one of the bravest things you can do. When you said to yourself I feel like this isn't for me, I feel like I've lost myself slightly. When you give yourself and motherhood is one of the biggest things to do we give ourselves over 150% more and we totally lose ourself in it, and which is the way it should be to a certain extent, especially right at the beginning, because you have to learn so much, but also society tells us it's the greatest thing you'll ever do. You will feel natural in this role. You will just know what your baby needs and how to give your child that perfect, soothing love that they require from you.

Suzanne Frear: 36:16

When, when that doesn't happen, we can feel so lost and such a failure. We forget what brought us here in the first place. Quite often that comes from us being such an individual that we met someone else that thought we were pretty damn cool as well. Then, together, we've made another awesome human being, but we've lost that. We've lost that initial person we were, that had all that joy and ambition and wanted to change the world and do great things and bring a person into it and show them how wonderful life can be, because you mired down and, okay, what time will they wake up and when do I feed them? Will they be happy? What if they wake up sad? And what do I do? This happens, etc. And it's so similar to where I was a couple of years ago with a job where you just do it mindlessly, you give yourself over to it and don't take into account what else you could do. Even if it's just a case of changing the role you're in, you don't even think about it. It's like well, this is the role as it's written in my job description, so that is how I'll carry on.

Suzanne Frear: 37:23

And when we could make a stand, make a change, point out a different way of doing things, or, if you're in that position and you can do it, look at other options. Write down every single option you've got, even the stupid ones. That you could move to the Maldives and never speak to anyone else again. That sounds amazing. But just get all your options out there and look at them and don't dismiss them all. Brindle them down. Drill down until you've got two or three that are viable but, most importantly, are attractive and that give you that little feeling like I think that could be something for me, and then go from there.

Suzanne Frear: 38:06

It doesn't have to be a one huge change, you don't have to do this, quit your job, then go and start whatever. You don't have to do that, but give yourself that excitement, feel it and see where that can take you. So let's start making a plan. Put some things in place where you give yourself those options, because life doesn't have to be where you are right now. Life can change. You can change it. You can do anything you damn well want to. You put your mind to it and, like me, you're a strong, badass bitch and you can bloody much do it.

Zoe Greenhalf: 38:36

Yes, Absolutely, Suzanne. It's been amazing talking to you this evening.

Suzanne Frear: 38:44

Oh, I've had such a laugh. Thank you so much, you're so welcome.

Zoe Greenhalf: 38:48

Where can people find out more about you?

Suzanne Frear: 38:50

They can come and find me. I'm always hanging out on Instagram. That's the best place to find me and that's just at Suzanne Freer underscore at the end. If you need to know or would like to know some more about me, I have a website and that's susanfreercouk. I've got some freebies on there that you can download. Or, if you'd like me to take a look at the copy on your website, I do offer that as a free service, but yeah, otherwise, just reach out. Let me know what you're up to and yeah, I'd love to help if I can, but otherwise. Thank you so much so yeah, so welcome.

Zoe Greenhalf: 39:23

I will put all of those details in the show notes anyway. So, thank you. People can get in touch with you and yeah, all the best with the Onward Saber journey.

Suzanne Frear: 39:33

I look forward to seeing what you get Up to next year as well. Yeah, absolutely. Here we come Worlds 2024.

Zoe Greenhalf: 39:43

So here are this week's takeaways. Number one Suzanne described her drinking as something she did on autopilot. You don't have to give up drinking or anything else, but you could learn a lot from really analysing your life and looking at what you do on autopilot. What things have simply become, mindless habits that you were unaware of, but actually now you think about them, could be your chance to take back some control and make some changes in your life. Two getting support is a really big help in these situations. Books, audiobooks, podcasts, people who have accomplished the change that you want to make and your own immediate network of friends can all have a huge impact on your success. Three breaking habits can bring you a real sense of freedom and mental space. It's got the power to introduce new interest into your life and a new appreciation for what truly brings you joy, even the small, seemingly ordinary moments.

Zoe Greenhalf: 40:44

4. Self-belief is the cornerstone to making change. When you can believe in yourself, you give yourself or take back the power to choose a life that truly lights you up. 5. When was the last time you asked yourself how happy am I? Am I doing the things that bring me joy? If not, what needs to change? Reconnecting with the things that brought us joy as kids can be a great place to start. 6. Sometimes we can feel so accomplished in our careers that our fear of leaving paralyzes us. We can arrive at a great salary, a respected job title, a position of responsibility, and we start to wonder how we'll survive if we leave, despite feeling really unfulfilled. Self-belief is a game changer here, but the thing that's really going to kick you into action is when the fear of never trying or never changing becomes greater than the pain of staying where you are.

Zoe Greenhalf: 41:46

7. You can bring your dreams and goals to life slowly. Introduce tiny changes, start small, do what you can around the parts that are less than ideal. Life isn't black and white, so you can embrace the grey. Start a side hustle, begin with low expectations and build slowly. 8. Get intentional about the company you keep Investing time in. Surrounding yourself with the right network of people will up level your mindset as you start to see what's possible and then believe it could be possible for you too. That can be in real life, but it can also be online. There are some amazing communities out there.

Zoe Greenhalf: 42:30

9. In every negative situation there is always an opportunity to grow From post-natal depression, being made unemployed, becoming a parent. Every experience is valid and will bring time to reflect and write down all your options. Look for the feeling of excitement and lean into that as much as you can Use it as a guide. 10. You don't need to know how you're going to make these things happen. You just need a starting point and then be able to take the next right step. How do you know what the next right step is? It's the tiny thing that feels like a doable or exciting action that you can take that's in exactly the same direction as your big goal. 11. Keep your end goal in mind Life doesn't have to be where you are right now and remember that everything is figure outable. 12.

Zoe Greenhalf: 43:32

Well, I hope you loved today's episode and it made you think differently or perhaps nudged you into changing something in your life that's not working for you. I'd love to give you a shout out right here on the podcast too, so let me know what you think, what you'd like to hear more of, or how you've been inspired to take bold action. Let's keep in touch over on Instagram at the mischief movement, or click the link in the show notes to sign up to my mischief mail newsletter, where you'll get exclusive insights on upcoming episodes and your chance to submit questions to future guests. But shh, don't tell anyone. It's our secret. Please keep spreading the word about the podcast. You're doing such an amazing job, and I'm also super grateful for your five star ratings on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, which seriously helped my mission to inspire and empower more people like us to choose mischief over mediocre. Have a great week and keep making mischief, Ciao.